Time to stand and stare
I have been sick for a while. Between infection and my new meds knocking me sideways I have not been much of a writer or blogger.
I have caught up on lots of Netflix. I did cat/house sit for a week (I didn't do much there either except meditate and sleep).
Yesterday I managed to muster enough of myself to go out while the sun was shining.
I didn't even head into the forest.
After a quick nip to the Polish deli for bread, meat and cheese we headed out to the hill at the base of the forest/wood near us.
We ran the dog a lot.
She has two toys we throw and she ran and ran.
We always head to this ancient ash tree (this tree is huge) and sit among the roots and shade. After a while of watching the pair or dragonflies dance between us and the tree line I decided I watched to watch the clouds and borrowing TK jumper I lay down and through the branches I just stared up.
We had brought charcoal and sketch pads and E tried to capture clouds (not an easy task when you are new to charcoal).
I can remember just laying and watching clouds as a child. It was good to feel the dappled light on my skin and marvel at the colour of the sky.
Though there was a little breeze the wind higher up made everything look like the clouds were speed up.
The sky seemed so blue, the leaves like peridot shining.
It was peaceful in a way I don't have words for.
TK laughed and laughed. He doesn't laugh that way inside. So did E. Everything was uncomplicated and beautiful.
Being the first trip out of any length of time I knew it would cost me today (especially as we hit the school run on the way home) and I haven't been in the best health today.
And yet.
And yet I would not sacrifice yesterday's clouds and sunshine for a good day at home today.
I need the wildish places. To feel the sky.
I need it for the days when I really struggle and the pain gets too much. I retreat into those memories or green and wildish places. They anchor me reminding me I am more than pain, and meds and disappointment.
A kestrel with an injured wing need to wind to remember flying.
