Struggling.

I woke up late and all of the things I had planned to do are now in the dust as TK left me to sleep. I am meeting him at lunch time but I was having difficulty...finding my good attitude today. Okay I was pissed off. I know I have the Yuletide craft projects under way and keeping mini witch busy but I really needed to reconnect and feel blessed. I lit a candle (a basil one me and TK made the other day) and had a prayer and it has helped. Prayer can be a dirty word in the pagan community. It has lost much of it's light, and grace. It is sometimes call spiritual begging but I do not find it so. Prayer for me a connection. A moment or several moments where I reach up and within to connect to that spark, the grace, the feeling of blessedness. Prayer for me it not an out pouring of woes and wants but a moment of hope and peace. I have to surrender my day, let it be as it is and see it with eyes of wonder not anger.
 

Joy Prayer

Goddess within me

Bring me swiftly to my greatest Joy.

Goddess what brings me Joy

Brings me closer to you.

I am a unique being of Joy

I surrender to you,

For you are my greatest good.

I honour you in my heart

I honour myself.

I honour and love all the gifts you give me.

I know they will bring me abundance

For your cup overflows always.

Only good can come

From following my highest calling.

Air my Breath

Meditation is one of the Eight Fey Paths I walk and teach and is an integral part of my personal practice. I see it not as an interesting diversion from the world but core part of my faith and ability to do magick.
While we are creatures of spirit and flesh the mind and all of it's parts really should not be ignored. How we think and what we feel are linked, as too are the thoughts we think and the health of our body.
While fire mediation, water meditation, and even earth meditations can be difficult for many reason air meditation is one that students and teachers struggle with alike.
Yet the movement of air into and around our body (which part of the lungs you hold it in) has a huge effect on body and mind. 
Deep breathing, breathing into the belly has many positive benefits and can be practice at any time in any setting. Now while certain yoga practices have informed this, probably not as many as you would think. I learned to breath in two ways. One from playing the flute and the other was choral singing. Being able to draw in a deep breath and hold it deep in the body and let it out slowly clears the mind. Slows the heart rate. Releases or slows the flow of stress hormones. All this control didn't help me with Air greatest lesson, letting go. Learning to surrender to the process and relax my breath, soften into my exhalation has taken years of work and practice. Allowing the breath to carry fear and anxiety out of my body, to take tension and anger out of my belly is a gift that Air when lovingly nurtured can teach.  

Witchin' the Craft

Been making candles (spell and non) with TK today and yesterday. Also thinking of making a moon altar this week.

This is the spell candle for my friend who can not sleep well. We used recycled wax (old candles and shells and bits left over) herbs and oils and even some spices too. We melted the wax in a double boiler and bought the wicks at a local art store. We have eight now cooling and setting. We still have wicks and wax but we are out of jars!

Herbs

Herbs

I have a huge knowledge of herbs. I started rather young and had this gift with anything green. Partially I think this comes down to the fact that living in the middle of the ass end of nowhere (medical treatment was a trek). Also green things spoke to me. I could run my hand over things and "know" what to use them for. Of course my logical brain wanted to quantify and qualify this "knowing" with facts. I learned much from being around folk who could tell you what was what, and a small book of wild flowers that was as pretty as it was ancient. Then from medicinal books. I now seem to collect herbal tomes.
I think that what you need is generally around you. It is an odd thing to say and while I know a little bit about plants from far off climbs, I still think that what you need tends to be what grow where you are. If I suddenly moved somewhere tropical I would walk around looking up the interesting plants around me. I live in an urban space (it bugs me sometimes but hopefully not for too much longer) but there are always plants around. Always. Some are in better health than others but they are there. I gather always with the knowledge that these plants are fragile and take a little from each plant. I dry and preserve as much as I can.

 Of course I have two tiny gardens that delight in being as wild and untamed as possible. I have and do try but with my bad back I tend to let other people do the grunt work when I can (I torn a muscle in my back next to my spine). Yet everything from bramble leaves to St Johnswort can be pick and used magicakly and for healing.
Some of my friends that I exposed to tinctures and balms are no looking to become herbalists. Something I did consider for myself for a while.
While I do enjoy exotic oils and resins and adore spices especially cinnamon I can spot chickweed in a field chew it up and apply it to a nasty insect bite and it be almost gone in a couple of hours.
I truly think that you are given what you need, where ever you might be. No matter how harsh the environment, the flora there will be best for your magick and healing. In damp places were you are more likely to get joint pains and coughs that is where the plants grow that help with coughs and joint pain. Nature finds a way. Always. 

Power.

Power.

Okay so I have had a hard day in a rather tough week but rather than go and have a nap, I thought I would talk to about this often misunderstood idea.
Power in terms of magick is the petrol in the engine of your ritual and spell work. This is the sticking point for many who do not understand it's subtle ebb and flow, or have the mind and will to focus it.
It can have many and varied sources (the wards in my home are based on spirit power and that of the plants that grow in my living room). Tapping and weaving these powers into the charm, ward, spell or ritual give it extra juice.
One of the reasons working within a circle is important is that is does contain the energy you raise within it until you say it is to be released. Charging the space with music, silence (never underestimate the power of silence) dance, spirits, and Deities adds to it too. Most of the time it is not the will or the spell that is not working but the fact that the energy isn't there.
Emotion does often play a huge role in the kind of energy in the circle. This is why healing can be harmful if there is even the hint of negative connection to the person being healed. It is also why witches need to deal with their own emotional crap frequently to make sure their own baggage isn't messing with the work they want to do. No, if you are angry and hurting at this person you can not heal them, but you can bind or banish, you can curse or hex. This not to say you must hex in anger or that it a bad thing. ( Sending someone something bad until they learn their lesson, gets a bad rep, but it works!)
This is why the Eight fae Paths works. It is about translating ritual work into a battery to fuel the work you want to do. It is about weaving many strands together to make simple things complex and complex things work simply.
The funny thing is that taking power from others or from other places does work but it is not the same as opening up yourself and accepting your own power. When you take power and or attention from others you distance yourself from The Veil, from the connection to all things and places. When you really connect with yourself you have the power of all things and all places. This requires hard work and discipline. Yet it is a joyful experience.
You have to surrender to your own power and let it flow.

 

Fey ritual. Part 2

Fey ritual. Part 2

So I started last nights rites by singing the poem I wrote and getting TK and mini witch to colour in elven stars (I even used crayons). This really lifted us all and made us giggle and be silly. We ate our sacred meal of lamb and rosemary again. (No dumplings though).

I got out my descant recorder, my whistle and my drum. We charged the circle and placed our art on the fire place.  TK lit lots of tealight candles and the whole room look beautiful.

 The stars looked even more lovely and we lit the blue candles I had dressed with metal powder and glitter to look like starry skies.
I cast the circle, called the corners and TK drummed while mini witch and I chanted. We built on the power the drawing and the singing had given us.When there was enough energy we made a big blue ball of light by adding a little at a time each, and passing it around the circle. When the energy ball get really big we sent it out. I blessed the cup (so co and archers with wild berries) and we shared it.
At this point I was flagging and TK released the quarters and circle.

Fae Ritual.

Fae Ritual.
I have to head to the hospital to see how my father-in-law (aka Pops) is doing but I will write up what I did last night later. Thank you if you sent out some light into the darkness last night. Please tell me how your rites went.

Some of the pictures of our altar.

The preparing of the lamb with rosemary and salt. The Roasting in the oven and then adding to the pot with lots of leek.

The ritual meal with rosemary dumplings and rosemary flat bread.

Walking the way, your way.

Walking the way, your way.

I have never believed that my was the only way to walk magick any more than someone else path would fit me. Yes I teach my path but I always try and get my students to think for themselves and to act for a place intuitive self awareness.
It is strange then when others find me disrespectful for following my guides, my sincere heart, my intuition. I do not expect to get it right all the time, and I might be able to learn a great deal from others who have walked similar roads. I am not totally independent and stubborn.Yet sometimes to honour my own truth I listen to my gut.
Sometimes I think this comes across as arrogant, I might be.
This is all coming from the very sad fact that someone who I admire a great deal has shown their displeasure in my reluctance to listen to their person horror stories about the publishing process. I feel a bit like a pregnant mother who doesn't want to hear the labor horror stories. I do not need to be more fearful, anxious or demoralized that what I have lovingly created might die.
Instead I did what I have done during this whole process, which is listen to my inner knowing. Trusting the guidance from fae and the Goddess and God, and believe in the visions I see and weave of myself as a successful publish pagan writer.
A year ago I might have been totally devastated, angry, hurt and full of self pity that this person felt it was okay to cut me not only from herself but from a community of fae minded people. Instead I feel quite calm and serene. My inner knowing was right all along. This person; wonderful, magickal as they are is not seeing the actions of others as the walking of their own truth, but an insult to her own.
The fact she is still living and re-living the "horror" and pain she feels the process caused her is colouring all she sees on the subject. Holding onto pain from the past, allowing it to make you angry and fearful, of not only your path but someone else doesn't bring anything but more pain. At some point we have to forgive it all. Let it go.
I made a choice not to be ruled by fear, anxiety, the never ending spiral of "what if". I made a choice to believe that the good I do and can have in my life is without limits.  If something crap happens I will deal with it then, worry it might happen robs me of my calm, my happiness now.
TK is off dealing with family matters today rather than ritual preparations for tomorrow but I know it will all figure it's self out. I will have everything I need, I always do. So I am off to make some ritual cleaning waters to wipe everything down with and do the dishes. I really hate cooking in a dirty kitchen! I am looking forward to making cawl too, but if I can not go to the butchers I love I will do a supermarket run tomorrow. No stress. The house fae will get their share of what ever we have regardless.

Tomorrow when I send out the elf light in The Veil to bring light to those lost and hurting, that magickal person will also be on the list. If you are wanting to join in it will be on the SUNDAY the 17th.
Even if you light a candle and say the poem/prayer.

Come home
Come home.
The dreams are now beginning.
Come home
Come home.
The shining snow is singing.
Ride on
Ride on
The light you seek is nearing.
Ride on
Ride on
The mists and fog are clearing.
Come now
Come now
Sit safe besides my hearth.
Rest now
Rest now.
Safe from all the dark.
Wake up
Wake up.
The doorway is near now
Wake up
Wake up
There nothing else to fear now. 
   

The Dance: Ritual Magick.

The Dance: Ritual Magick.

 "Those who do not move, do not notice their chains." ~ Rose Luxemburg

When someone is performing well on any given stage the energy they radiate it known as dilation. This expanded self is extremely powerful. The "thinking" part of the self is stilled and the energy of the piece and this process create something. It is touched by "otherness"  or their higher self.
This is how I learned. This is why enchanting (ritual singing), playing music or drums, and dancing is so important to my practice and what I teach. I pray with my whole being.
This dilation is not based on the physical perfection of the performer but something else. In my late teens I worked for a little while with a sign dance theatre. It was an amazing experience. I still know most of the deaf joke I was taught. For the deaf dancers the form of their body and the vibrations all around them where echoed and expressed. The whole body speaks, or sings but also hears and listens. The understanding of energy flow within a given space this taught me I have spent years trying (with varying degrees of success) to translate to others.
I do not know if it is "Englishness" or not, but there is a certain stiffness, a shyness, a reluctance to get up and move with certain pagans I have known. Women find it a bit easier than men, but they tend to only feel comfortable dancing "sexy". It is a start!
So today I will spend sometime praying with my feet.   

Fae healing

Fae healing

So I am working on a soul healing ritual and even TK wants to be involved working with cure boil and bindrunes! So great to see him motivated.
As I began working on the healing narrative I noticed it would probably help not only him but other lost fae creatures, swimming around in their human skins feeling all weird and the wrong shape.
It is Hiraeth. A longing, a homesickness for a place that never was, a never when. Mourning. 
The beginning of the prayer/ is something like this:

Come home
Come home.
The dreams are now beginning.
Come home
Come home.
The shining snow is singing.
Ride on
Ride on
The light you seek is nearing.
Ride on
Ride on
The mists and fog are clearing.
Come now
Come now
Sit safe besides my hearth.
Rest now
Rest now.
Safe from all the dark.
Wake up
Wake up.
The doorway is near now
Wake up
Wake up
There nothing else to fear now.

I haven't yet worked out all the details but I think I will be making candles and working with the Elfstar. I am also think I might get out my metallic powders and either mix them into the wax to maybe make a spell canvas (a painting as a charm).
On a practical note I am looking at my living room thinking I am going to need to clean this space. It is amazing the amount of random crap that seems to get dumped. Being as I live in tiny British terrace house with less space and storage that many American folks have in their garages...anyways!
I will probably need some serious food for post/late in the ritual as I will need to ground myself, so I should figure out what I am making and/baking soon too.
So will have to do the prep Saturday and then work on Sunday, a weekend of magick it is!  
 

Feed back.

Feed back.
So I wanted to know which of my blogs you most enjoyed. This may or may not lead me to more of those "type" of blog.
I am trying to blog daily even if it doesn't always happen. I am aware some are more "rough" than others.
So my pagani Popsicle can you help?
So blogs like this 
or this 
Or this 
Little bit of this? 
Maybe like this? 

I have many more but I want you lovely people to tell me what you think. If you like it tell me why. If you really like it share it with people you think might enjoy it. 

Pagan Poetry

Pagan Poetry

Step lightly
You who pass through
The wild wet wood,
The rushing water,
The rising dunes.
These places are my church.
My temple.

My mosque.
The rising columns of silver
Touching starry grace.
This.
This is my sacred place.
Light streaming through
Stained glass leaves
My prayer rugs
Are sand, and grass,
Moss and leaves.
When you rob these places,
When you leave trash,
You ask why I care.
This place is my temple
Treat it with care.

In Parenting

GETTING AN A+ In Parenting,

I can not come to the blog right now.
Home education sometime requires that I am a hard ass.

Do not mess with Mummy today.

The Tao of Tarot.

The Tao of Tarot.

I have been reading cards since I was 14 some 20 years now (holy crap where did the time go). My friends Mum was a gypsy who lived in a council house in a small village near by. She taught me, my sister and her daughter at the same time. We used regular playing cards with varying degrees of success. Now I took to itright away not that my sister was shabby she just "didn't get it". Read as "this is a bit weird for me." At the time I read my friends and saw things, good and bad. At collage and then University I gave readings then too. At 18 I got my first tarot deck. At University I first got paid in money, though it always felt weird being paid. I got to the point that I was so broke I didn't care how weird it was. At the tail end of Uni I met a wonderful wizard, who was very wise and told me that "If you do not value your worth, no-one else will". At his advice I found the average rate per reading and charged that. I have done this on and off for years with marriage an babies, death, and moving more times than I care to count.
I have read hundreds of books on the subject, everything from the tarot being an expression of someone subconscious and tarot as psycho pomp therapy session to it being a way for the Old Gods to speak directly.
   My opinion is that it is the reader, not the cards that hold the key. People make a really big deal about the cards they have. I am not immune to this. I think they are beautiful and have many decks. Yet the deck someone picks often tells me the kind of question they want answers to. How I lay them has as much to do with the person I am reading as the size of the table. People enjoying the reading get lost enough in looking not at me, but the cards that I can see a reflection. These images, feelings and sensations are brief and difficult to describe. THAT is the true readers art. Translating honestly what they see while not scaring the pants off the person being read, leaving them healed, relieved and hopeful in some way.
I think it is therapeutic to place someones life on a table and tell them honestly how it is, how it could be and how it will come to pass. When someone having a party (no I have no idea why you would want a reader at a party either) and the host sits down smiling and I lay the cards and tell her that her soul crushing loneliness is right there, right there screaming at me and all the walls of pretense just fall away, it is magick. Something real happens because she has been seen. The events (because the good and bad of these depends on the reaction most often) that are to come or that have been are often viewed through teary eyes. This is a truly moving process and one that also moves me. The whole experience is one of true authenticity. People do not always like what I see, or what I say and if I know it is going to be a bitter pill I try and sweeten it as best as I can.
The cards are permission. They are the persons consent to have me peer into places within them and within their journey even they can not or will not look.
This is why you can use tarot as a meditation or spell work tool but reading yourself is pointless. You will always steer the cards, discount the ones you think or feel do not apply. You will willful ignore what you do not wish to believe.
I have done reading after reading, all ages, and genders and walks of life. Sometimes I do not see anything. This doesn't mean they are going to drop dead, (not that I am aware of). I am aware that sometimes, for whatever reason either I am blocked from seeing or they are not supposed to know. Sometimes I see so much that the person being read can not accept that I might as well see nothing. I speak honestly and sometimes I feel the tendrels of spirit whisper very specific phrases that the person needs to hear.
At 20 I went to a little psychic fayre and was told all kinds of useful stuff by both readers. One clearly knew I was going to be a pro, he even told me the colour of my reading cloth (gold silk).
While there are terrible readers out there (in every level top to bottom) reading and touching the most intimate moments of peoples lives is an honour and privilege, and something I always try and keep sights of.
If you want to use tarot, don't worry about the spreads, or the layouts, or the cards, focus on the person. Practice every change you get on as many people as you can. No not worry if you see nothing. Be as authentic and present as you can be. 

Mass Hysteria?

Mass Hysteria?

So I have seen and read of few blogs and posts (and a TV program on bbc iplayer) from some scientists, that seems to make many assumptions as to why the general public do not totally embrace the wonderful world of the scientific community and the lap up everything they say. They seem to feel this is because people are ignorant, ill educated and pron to panic. 
This is not to say this is not true. It also leaves out large chunks of history and incidents. The fuck up's of science are still fresh within the minds of many people who remember "science" telling them smoking was safe, healthy and cool. Vaccines are a good idea, but many of them were tested on the general public (on children in particular) with devastating results. Yes they got better, but it doesn't erase the social memory. Now I delayed (I didn't refuse) the MMR when my daughter was very little. She never got mumps, measles or rubella. Now some people might think this a knee jerk reaction to "bad science" and celebrities. Firstly I couldn't give a stuff what other people do or do not do but autism as a side effect is pretty serious stuff. Autism is a serious and life long condition that can tear families apart. The other reason I made the choice to delay the combination vaccine was it was given to really young children. I didn't think having virus after virus after virus (they timelag like that) was particularly healthy. The risk of these diseases, and the threats they face to healthy Western child is minimal. While a tiny percent of people who caught these illness only three died. Yes it is a tragedy. However when you look at the statistics the IMMUNIZE OR DIE scare tactics look dubious at best.
People do not blindly trust science because "science" tends to work for people who have a vested interest one way or another. Woe betide you if you do not tow the line. Professor David Nutt gave them facts they didn't like, so they fired him.
Ah but science is based on facts. Good. Great.
Here are some facts.
ADR means Adverse Drug Reactions.

 Institute of Medicine, National Academy Press, 2000

Lazarou J et al. JAMA 1998;279(15):1200–1205

Gurwitz JH et al. Am J Med 2000;109(2):87–94

• Over 2 MILLION serious ADRs yearly

• 100,000 DEATHS yearly

• ADRs 4th leading cause of death ahead of pulmonary disease, diabetes, AIDS, pneumonia, accidents and automobile deaths

• Ambulatory patients ADR rate—unknown

• Nursing home patients ADR rate— 350,000 yearly

The problem with facts is what is chosen as important, relevant and deduced from them and who benefits most from them.
Nobody is holding Government funded adverts to prevent these deaths though they are more than many cancers and drink driving. In fact nobody is saying anything.
From DDT, Thalidomide, BSE, food scares, the conflicting veiws on things like statins and don't get started on Body Mass Indexing (just doesn't work but is part of most medical tests). I am not wary of science because I am ignorant. I am not anti GM food because I am ill educated, but because do not believe sudden changes to Eco-systems that took millions of years to evolves careful together is fundamentally a good idea. We cause so many problems because we think we know best. 
BSE was caused because we feed infected sheep to cows. Scrapie is a disease the effects sheep and lambs nervous system. In our greed to make cattle grow faster than intended and give more milk we gave them protein pellets. What new diseases will we create with GM food?
The assumptions that people do not embrace everything "science" tells them is not down to "herd mentality". It is insulting that the general public are subjected to ridicule when they are cautious, with long memories of the awful long term mistakes that individuals and systems within the scientific communities have made.
Science gets lots of things right. The world is a much better place for it. It however is made up of people and they make mistakes all the time. They are not always right and the consequences when they are dire.
Stop telling me I am an idiot because I can remember the fuck ups. Stop telling me that I am part of "herd mentality" when I research, look to get informed and THINK about the health and well being of my family far more people who agree with you!
You can not fix you serious PR mess by blaming other people. If their are trust issues look to your own practices and get back to me then. 

Long weekend.

Long weekend.

Thursday: Woke with a headache and the most awful pain in my neck and shoulder. I was really stressing out about everything. (The house wasn't up to my usual standards, I couldn't bend or move properly) However I had a quiet word with myself and calmed down. I accepted where I was and that I would need help to go to Macclesfield and do the evening of readings. I managed to get TK and mini witch ready really quickly and we headed off to the train station. It was a wonderful evening and I felt privileged and humbled to meet such wonderful people. The atmosphere was good and the food was sublime. A little before 9pm (carefully down the big cobbled hill) we went to get the train home. Me and mini witch shared my cloak but it was still very cold.
Friday: I awoke tired but not too drained (as can sometimes happen) and went shopping for the last few things for my party. Managed this with the minimum of fuss and TK set to work doing dishes (okay he was supposed have done it the day before but at this point I was beyond caring) and the miracle of it all blossomed into it all looking great.

I am hoping I can upload some pictures in a bit. Oddly the fact that everyone was late was a boon as I was able to finish my beautiful pumpkins! A good night was had by all and we all ate and drank a lot of the yummy Mexican inspired food.

Saturday: I felt quite rough and my kidney's we hurting to I tried to drink a lot of water. I made myself sweetcorn soup for breakfast from the left over tamale filling. Our out of town guests who stayed  in a hotel on the Friday night turned up as I was eating it. We hung out for a bit and then went up into town to eat Slovakian food in a little place called Langosh (after the street food). It was wonderful if a bit busy. We then strolled down to the museum and looked at the Staffordshire Horde.
We nipped across to the supermarket to grab some stuff to turn the left overs into a meal to feed us all. A and I chatted about crafts (crotchet, box weaving and weaving) and everyone else played Munckin.
After dinner A and I talked at length about some of where she is at about work and her relationship with her mother and so on. It was a healing conversational dynamic and they agreed to sleep on the sofa bed and go home Sunday.
Sunday: By the time I had come downstairs A and S had tidied everything away and were making tea. Again we all hung out and chatted until lunch time, when A and S started the long drive home. Mini witch and I had the soup I had made the day before for lunch with cheese filled tortillas. At about this point I was ready for a nap but we need to get on the 3.30pm train! So we packed a flask of tea and the picnic blanket and some snacky food and headed out. By the time we hit Tutbury we were rather excited. It seemed a bit tackier than the time we visited two years ago with a cheap funfair in one of the car parks and the Viking men (the women were pretty good) were a poor show. The PA system was crappy and we could hardly hear what was going on. The longboat "funeral" was again not a patch on the one we had seen before and sitting against the ancient castle wall on the ground I wondered if the fireworks were going to be as dud.

IT WASN'T. The fireworks to classical music were AMAZING. It was beautiful well timed and even the annoying child crying for "mummydaddy" at his Grandmother down my ear was drowned out by the glittering spectacle of it all. Stars shot and shimmered. Blossoms of red and blue took over the whole of the sky. The final firework was like some Gandalf himself would have made. A giant golden weeping willow made of shimmering falling stars. Then we wandered down the hill listening to a barn owl hooting and watched TK get fuss-mugged by a cat! 
Monday: Feeling full of a head cold but happy. 

Normal Service.

Normal Service.

Normal service will resume when I have finished being totally awesome in the real world.
Thank you.