"Only Joking!"

Banter -  Toxic Humour

So by default of where I have chosen to hangout lately (a Comic book shop and cafe) it is a very male environment and full of quite toxic "banter*".
Being as I haven't "peopled" save enlightened souls and my immediate circle it has been quite shocking to me the horrible things they say to each other. Things I would feel uncomfortable even thinking.
There is a level of cruelty and menace and power playing in almost every exchange. It seems to be based around a few individuals, one quite a physical bully.
I always have my shields up but especially when I know he will be there.
He is used to being the alpha in a group of non-alpha people.
I have been shocked at the violent words and actions (to match or compete with) these people. I am not some shrinking violent normally but being aware of the words around me makes me want to smudge the whole place!
*Banter is "funny" jokes or comments at the expense of someone else, a sort of toxic penis measuring contest.
The thing is having hung around alpha-alpha men (top dogs) they don't need to be arseholes because they command their masculine energy gracefully. They do not need to threaten violence, because they only react if so is provoked. Hanging out with martial artists they tend to have good chi, no need to "pump" themselves up. Alpha-alpha males don't often start fights, but do tend to end them swiftly.
Posturing and growling is for those who have something to prove.
That is not to say these guys are all idiots. Far from it. These are often smart, talented people. Quick witted, artistic.
I am torn between getting involved (magickally or emotionally) and mothering these folks and benignly passing through.
The thing is being as I usually take no shit, the alpha took issue with me and has felt the need to "dominate" including coming up behind me and looming aggressively. This failed on his part because I could see him coming in the reflection of the window (so I wasn't suprised) and could sense when he got close. I wasn't shock, or frightened. I turned and smiled at him. This seemed to deflate or diffuse his energy in an non-aggressive manner.
Still it is rather exhausting being there. There are some very interesting and creative people in this place and when the "bantermen" are not there, the energy is a creative and excited one.
While bitching can be just as bad and banter (it is more deciduous but less confrontational) it can not help but bring the energy down.
Watching our thoughts and feelings might make us seem overly sensitive but I believe we are seeing the true intention of cruel words and deeds under the thin gloss of "only joking".

I now feel the need to burn incense and wash!
Bright Blessings
xxx