Monday Mourning

Monday Mourning

In the last six months I have lost both my parents. Both deaths were unexpected and I have been blocked by my "sister" from attending each funeral.
So I have been overwhelmed by the love and support I have received from my friends but after this happened last time I was a straight out mess.
It was designed to hurt me as much as possible and it really did. Her behaviour has been worse this time when I tried to negate some of her control she had the police contact and basically threaten us (when she was actually breaking laws).
While I can not pretend this wasn't hurtful or painful I doing okay.
Which is kind of what is bothering me. I am sort of waiting for the other shoe to drop.
While spiritually I really felt my mother's death, even though we were never close there is just this sort of deafening silence which is really weirding me out.
I've done a lot of magick. Cleansing and warding mostly. I haven't had a "funeral" for him in any way, which is maybe why it still doesn't feel "real".
Maybe I just have this well I haven't looked into. I felt so lost and a lot of old pain was dragged bind my mother's bones. That is not to say I am not dreaming of death (more rot than corpses) but equally I wake exhausted dreaming of looking after toddlers in my dreams.
I feel hopeful and positive and I just feel sad about Malice.(<the best description of my sister ever, thank Bryony).
I want to write and do things. I don't feel lost of cast adrift. I feel more focused on my family. I feel so very grateful to TK and to E as well as a whole host of wonderful friends.
I want my sister to be punished and held accountable, because it is right not because I gain anything from it.
There is something very wrong with her and who she was is gone. At some point I have to stop throwing myself on her thorns.
I don't really know how to celebrate my father's life, or mourn his death. I am in no mood for war. I guess I will return to my hobbit hole and make dinner. Or at least eat dinner.

Bright Blessings xxx