I know, I know! Where have I been! Well I have been right here mostly.
After my big event Awakening the Key, only a few days passed before a very old friend arrived and I spent much of that time healing and teaching. All good! Then however it all energy out left me a bit wibble and at the tail end of her visit I came down with (how do American's put it?) stomach flu?
What a delicate way of putting it!
I am still a little delicate, but I can now eat and drink and it stay in my body the way it is supposed to.
TK was brilliant and looked after wonderfully and was just awesome.
I am feeling very loved up, and very blessed! When you appreciate every sip of water it shifts your focus some what!
That doesn't mean to say I have been doing nothing (I won't go into the gross stuff).
I have been helping someone who is in a really dark place right now both physically and emotionally on-line and on the phone.
It is weird because he is someone I sort of knew. We meet roleplaying and got along but never really sat and chatted, certainly not as ourselves but it is not unusual for me to attract people in need this way. It is strange because I have this disconnection. No, that is not the word.
When he reached out to me he was alone, in agony in the hospital and I could feel it all. Then it all goes quiet and I feel this constriction, this drawing away.
I know how much I can do on-line and one the phone but it is hard to get a read on him sometimes and well that bothers the shit out of me.
I don't want to demand, or push, though he might really need it, but it is like trying to do everything with one hand tied behind my back and my face is in a bucket.
Sometimes he really opens up to me, deep dark things about his past and pain. Yet I know nearly nothing of his life!
I know I have been busy technicolour yawning but I am getting frustrated doing it at his beck and call and time frame and not my own. I am tired that when we begin to work through deep stuff I can't even hear his voice to figure out if he is really doing okay.
I am also bending over backwards biting my tongue not to slag off his girlfriend. I know that she is his choice and that he is not being totally honest with me, AND that there are two sides to every story. That said, what a fucking bitch!
No, well maybe!
I "think" (from what I have gathered thus far, which we take with pinch and half of salt) she is doing the "I don't want to be the person who ends it, so I withdraw until the other person does."
Again I am only being shown some of it. Yet she just doesn't really seem to give shit that this guy is in huge physical pain and needs her. Needs her to step up and take care of him, hold his hand, tell him he will be okay. No matter how big and tough we are, a couple is a team.
Seriously, TK is coming out of the last few weeks really well. Talk about appreciating sitting in hospital waiting room, and wards. Of being there no matter how gross. Of telling me I am beautiful even at my grossest. Of making me laugh, and me seeing how much we all laugh together all the time (you notice that when your back and ribs are sore).
So not the best blog in the world but I am counting my blessings today.
Bright Blessings
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