Rising Up

Rising Up

Ending Competitive Thinking.

As girls and women we are often in positions where our power is less than that of the (male) system around us and men in the system.

We have to work twice as hard for credit and for our voices to be heard than boys do. This leads to a competitive cycle that damages women, one in which girls and women "police" the male system and will attack, shame, and blame other women for not participating in the system or being different.

I was never very good at fitting in. I hated gossip and small-mindedness. I hated competing. It was far easier to be "one of the boys" than walk the mine field of female friendship/competitive bitchery.

I did have female friends as an adolescent, but not after I left school really.

At college I was surrounded by Thesps and YiPs (Thespians and Youth in Performance). This exaggerated the normal competitive female social strategy to an extreme. Even the boys and men on our course bought into it wholesale.

The normal exacting (and narrow standards) got even smaller.

Of course I rebelled. 

I did make female friends but many dropped out either because of the pressure or because they got pushed out by the lecturers.

At university it was different, but essentially the same.

Pretty early on I was dumped in "character roles" or "old lady". The male acting/drama lecturers (not one female lecturer on the whole site) were vile and would bully and be abusive to women (to toughen them up of course) especially ones who weren't white, blonde and big breasted. Many dropped out, for many reasons. I lost and gain friends quickly.

The female friends I made in my early twenties vanished as soon as I had my daughter.

Little by little women came into my life whom I bonded with almost instantly, though not all of them lasted and some got lost in their own rage/drama cycles.

I am very lucky to have a feast of wonderful women as friends. They teach me, up lift me, remind me of my own song when I forget to sing it.

We as women, and as mother's need to make spaces for other women that are supportive, non competitive places to help break this cycle. We need to show women that they are stronger side by side. That there is enough, and that they don't need to compete with other women. We need to value ourselves enough to know that we do not need to take from other women. It is a destructive cycle and one that devalues us all.

In the end our songs do not have to be the same to be a harmony, or a symphony. That it is the whole of the sound that is important. When we give recognition to women who came before us, when we stand by the choices and the ability to choose of women, when we empower and come together we are such a force!

This is one of the reasons that I created a community for female seekers on g+ which you can find here.

For you men and boys out there understand that "women"is a catch all term for a vast array of people. That having a token "woman" in a room full of men is not enough because this exacerbates the problem. Speak less, and listen more. That we are people, not things.

I think there is hope and there is a positive shift towards community instead of competition. Long may it continue.

Bright Blessings xxx

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 This blog was inspired by my wonder friend B. Love you.