Quick Fixes.

Quick Fixes

"I was spiritual and it didn't fix anything."

"I lost 10 pounds, grew my hair, did yoga, became vegan, joined a coven, meditated everyday, got the guy, got the job and I am still broken."

I figured out today why people who go through a spiritual phase or try constant new fads do it. You see all of this, these things make you feel better for a bit. They lift you for a little while but at some point you get mad, or cranky, let things slide and for a brief moment have the opportunity and obstacle of dealing with yourself.
At which point most folks just run to the next thing that will make them feel better for a little while.
At some point though all that always runs out and something happens you dismiss the thing you are trying as rubbish because you stopped feeling good.
You actually have to deal with your garbage at some point and looking at it can be hard but you have to do it. You have to look at yourself and accept the whole of who you are.
All of your crazy, dark, ugly stuff.
You have to look at all the bones and dirt and death. Lay out the bones. Mourn yourself and others.
Turn the dirt over, fill it with seeds.
Burning incense and throwing a yoga mat over your dead hopes and dreams, is never going to end well. No amount of meditation is going to change you into the unbroken person.
That doesn't mean that there is something wrong with meditation. It is not at fault. You have to stop running.
You have to look at the pain and anger and disappointment. You have to deal with your shame and blame. 
You have to accept that this is who you are. Then you have to let it go.
Let go of the idea of who you should be and cultivate instead who you are.
Quick fixes don't work because they are never going make you different. You can not work from the outside in.
You have to work from the inside out.
You have to accept the fragile vulnerability to connection, love and being loved.
You are never going to be Jesus, Buddha, or a Mother Goddess.
You are going to be you. You might be more polished. You might grow into something different than you ever imagined but you can not paint wings on a caterpillar and call it a butterfly.  You have to instead become caterpillar soup for a while inside that process.
It is weird and messy and can feel like dying but it is real change.
Most people do not "have the time" for this process. As though it wasn't life or important.
It doesn't matter if you are a caterpillar or a gosling it is not an easy process and it looks weird and ugly from the outside, and healing and good from the inside.
We must listen to this calling.
We must follow it deep into ourselves.
You already know who you are. 
You already know who you are and you need to sit down and look at that. Embrace that you kindly.

Bright Blessings xxx