Beltane Blessings

So the season is on us and as usual I am crazy busy. I am going away camping on Beltane it's self in my new canvas tent. Tonight I have my students over and I hope to do circle work.

As Beltane is such a fae festival I have my own special blend of incense ground. I have seen so odd ingredients for Beltane blends, including the use of elder, which is toxic and stinks, wouldn't get my seal of approval!

My blend (until I tinker later) is

Juniper berries 

Lavender flowers

Cinnamon

Cloves

Copal resin

Apple wood

Kind of gummed up my grinder but it will be fine. I could have done it by hand but the berries are never fine enough and fall off the charcoal.

Just finished washing the floors with mix of salt, herbal decoction (lemonbalm, hyssop, lavender marjoram) , essential oils (black pepper, lemongrass, lavender) and eco-friendly washing powder. Then I poured it over and down my front steps. If I had had more time (and inclination) I could have washed everything with it, including windows.

My herbs are growing (and some) are drying nicely too. My lovely lilac is scenting the whole garden and house beautifully, and my lovage is drying really well.The lilac will be going into any banishing salt or oil blend I make and it is keeping the house peaceful. I say peaceful, most of the bags are packed and I found yesterday very stressful. Still I am looking forward to being under the sky and sleeping in my warm and cosy tent, or sitting by the fire and laughing, singing and talking with friends!

In other news the dog is definitely sulking. Still can't be helped!

 

Finding The Key

 

On the 1st of June 2014

I will be running a weekly Skype class for 2 hours (it might run over). It would run (initial) for 6 weeks and you could join the Sunday or Wednesday evening class. Classes would start at 7pm GMT. I would base the classes around the book The Key. It would cost £40.
Here is a meditation video of the one of the four elemental meditational practices of section one. 
Please email me at lucydrakepaints@gmail.com for inquires and booking.

Endings and Beginnings

So the Kickstarter is over. I didn't get what I wanted. Yet I may still yet get what I need. The whole process made me do things outside of my comfort zone. Everything from making videos to writing about myself. I may have lost a little but I have gained a lot. I  AM going to publish a book on Amazon when I get some art work and can figure out my photo editing software. I have more books on the go now than I thought possible a year ago. I think I am going to expand on my blogs and on my videos.This process has taught me a lot. More than ever to trust my voice, my way and my darling TK. He has been amazing. We did ritual on Saturday and it was more perfect than I can describe. Then on Sunday pagan field trips with E and D. The forest, waterfall and yew tree grove was, as always awesome. Being with people who get it, was even better. I have some natural spring water and Druids Well water. All the cleaning? Not today though I have lots to do. Driving lesson and a walk to get the cash to pay for it as I forgot to get any cash yesterday. Oops. Still the weather is awesome.
So what blogs do you think would make great books?
What blogs would make great Youtube videos?
I am writing Entering In, (working title) the follow on from the The Key.
Not-so-Imaginary-Friends would be great because a lot of kids seem to have these issues and I could help!
The Thrifty Witchin' is popular too!
I have a Fae fiction in the pipe line too. 
So until next time
Blessings .

Let us start at the very beginning 

You have the clothes, you have the jewelry, you have the books. You may have the tarot cards, runes. You have the shiny things from eBay but even though you have read the books you have no clue HOW to do it. So you put it on a shelf. In a draw. In the loft. Or leave all out on the table "to prove how pagan you are". It may stay that way years. Some weird stuff might happen but you, you don't change.
This is how 90 percent of my students turn up. Sadly one or two leave that way too. They are often under the illusion that I am going to "transform" them, magically into powerful sorcerers, and witches. Some are disappointing. Some get mad. Some quit. Some yell. Some do all of the above. Some don't.
You see I give them homework. To do every day. They smile at first, then tut and roll their eyes, then suck their teeth. The good ones, do it...eventually. I make them look long and hard at themselves. I make them look at their thoughts and actions. I get them to meditate. They fidget. They squirm. They procrastinate. 

"Wave the wand Lucy."

"I'm bored."

"This is pointless."

"I KNOW what I am doing!"

I smile, I wince. I nod. I ask tough questions like: how does that apply in a ritual context?
What did that teach you?
What was different about that day/rite/circle?
I try not to make it boring but the truth is being GOOD at magick takes hard work. You want to hold a tune, copy someone on the radio. You want to do better and kick ass at karaoke, watch some video's on Youtube. You want to go on stage for real, you need someone to teach you. To strip away the fake pretense of sounding like someone else, to make sure you don't need to get drunk to "sound amazing", to lie you down and make you feel like an ass and bounce a ball on your belly. It seems stupid, and feels embarrassing and pointless but it is vital you know how and where to breath from. Magick is the same.
I try and keep it fun and playful but at the end of the day the power of the magick doesn't come from me. It comes from you. It won't be like my magick. It will be, like your voice, haunting and beautiful and unique when you find it. To do that you need to sit down and do the work. Every day. Every. Day. Not because I say so. I do, but because if you want to be good at anything (and why do anything to suck at it) you have to practice. You have to sit down and learn to breathe into the belly. Let go of thoughts. Hold things within your mind. Hold a thought or feeling all day long. These mental muscles of concentration are ones we are very rarely taught to use. Once you can then meditation can begin.
None of this is particularly religious, at least not to begin with, I move onto Goddess work a little later. Firstly you have to find yourself, just a little. Shed some patterns that work against you. Find a little peace, gratitude, joy. Find how to surrender.
I am not a perfect person, not an easy teacher but sometimes I take a look around at some folks out their preaching their way and know I have forgotten more than they claim to know. That they are speaking because they can not listen. 
I try not to waste my time or energy thinking about them. I try and focus on the people I help. 
I could fill books with spells. I could write a dozen a day. What I wrote in my book was so much more important, so much more powerful. I wrote how to make yourself powerful (not perfect) and to focus that innate power to change the world. 
I do not want to complain about the darkness. I will just be a light. 

Thrifty Witchin'

Here are some of my best thrifty witchy tips.

Call what you need to you.
I needed an altar for an important ritual and someone left it outside the house I was staying at. Call what you need it will come. 

Don't buy expensive candles. If you do then recycle the wax into either spell candles or fire starters, and tapers. 

Coloured candles. Crayons are your friends. You can melt a whole one and dip or roll it in the coloured wax or just drip a little down the sides. You can even add powdered herbs and oils at this point.

Collect and dry thorns from hawthorn and blackthorn to use as pins and to inscribe on candles. 

Thrift stores, flea markets, car boot sales are your friend but always put out the call first. 

Flower wholesalers are full of amazing and weird things. 

Make and trade. If you can't make, trade a skill you do have to someone who does (do a reading, a therapeutic massage, feed people) in trade for something you need. Almost all of my expensive items came to me that way. 

See the potential in the grimy and broken. Polish, time and love can turn something awful into a gem. 

Grow what you need, recognize it in hedgerows, brown (fallow land) and parks (cheap Collins flower guides always turn up in charity shops too). 

Buy in bulk. If you can do so as a group or coven so much the better. Expensive stuff like frankincense, essential oils, candles, crystals can be MUCH cheaper if you all chip in, £10/$15. If you can use wholesalers so much the better. 

Take a class. A geology class will help you find rocks and gems. A sewing class can help you make altar clothes and robes. Woodcraft, for bowls, candle holders, pentacles.

Have deep pockets in your coat to collect things you find. Pebbles, flowers, horse hair on fences, wool the same, animal bones, shells and string.

A decent pocket knife kept in a zip lock bag is a good investment. Not only does the bag stop the knife from going rusty it won't mess up your handbag/purse.

Ethnic Supermarkets. Charcoal blocks from pagan suppliers are often extremely expensive, but the self lighting kind are exactly the same as the ones used for hookah or shisha pipes. You can by these by the box for the same price as you can for a roll. Also if you keep your charcoal in a watertight/air tight container they last much longer and light much better.
Herbs, spices and oils are also much cheaper and you can get things like Gum Arabic at a fraction of the price. You may need to swot up on the Latin names so you know what you are getting though.
Pestles and mortars are again much cheaper and of a higher quality than from many pagan suppliers. As are pots, pans and things to use as cauldrons.

Make it yourself.

Growing, sowing and writing.

So I have been either freed from bed rest and as such I have thrown myself into doing ALL THE THINGS.
I have been teaching, writing, praying bare foot in the garden, baking, studying, doing magick, feasting, laughing, playing music. Since the blood moon I have just been wired, and now I seem to have had a little crash (couldn't for the life of me drag my ass outta bed this morning.)

I woke up with the urge to do magick yesterday so I went into the garden and prayed. Then I blessed fennel and coriander seeds and scattered them around the perimeter of my house and garden. I feed my house guardians and cleansed my inside space with frankincense on a charcoal. I topped it up and brought it outside while I did a little weeding. I cracked on with making three different kinds of bread (I had a little toasted for breakfast). The I had an hour lesson with S. 
As the day wore on I saw a lot of fae. Mr Brown clearly enjoyed his bread (I always set aside a little loaf when I make bread) as he was moving around the kitchen a lot last night. I could also see a lot of fluttering just on the edge of my vision or in the reflection of the kitchen window. 
I have been pong writing with a friend of mine (you write a little send it to them, they write a little, and so on) and reading about Shinto and miko practices in Japan. Beautiful, graceful and fascinating. I can see way they move energy when they dance and move fans, it is more stylized but I see the continuity of the ritual pagan practice.
In other news my editor and I have parted ways. It seemed mostly peaceful but if I don't threaten TK with removal of bread privileges to help me sort out a new paypal one to my account not his) and pay her then I doubt the peace will last.
TK is in a weird place. Something in his eyes and "self" is just so distant. I have been trying to get him and mini witch to be in the here and now, to do, rather than just think but I don't know if it working. You'd think after all these years living with his shadow in our lives I would know what to do, but I don't. I am trying not to rake up old pain, or be fearful of if, or how far down the abyss he might fall. Except for students and teachers, and folks at the supermarket I haven't seen a soul. I got a get well card from my Mam when I came out of hospital but no visit. Nobody. Maybe it is hard for people to see me as "weak and feeble" though I am a little more at peace with my vulnerability. Maybe they can't get what they want or need from me. Ah! 
Loneliness. Homesickness. Hiraeth. 
Sometimes I want to lie down and be the garden. Rather than be the gardener.

Goddess I surrender my pain to you.

I let it go.

Show me it's wisdom.

Teach me it's lessons.

Goddess I surrender my sorrow to you.

I let it go.

Show me it's wisdom

Teach me it's lessons.

Goddess I surrender my fear to you.

Show me it's wisdom.

I let it go.

As all the pain, sorrow and fear

Leave my mind, body, and spirit

Fill me with your love.

The Wolf, The Woman, and The Goddess who Bleeds.

The last few days have been busy. I made it outside for the first time since almost dying in hospital last Sunday. We had my students over and although circle was brief I got some simple candle meditation as well as a great field trip down. We went barefoot on a specially designed barefoot trail in Trentham Gardens. Mini witch, myself, E, D, and TK (though he did not take off his shoes) did the trail. Even in the light rain it was fun and enlightening as an exercise in "thinking, seeing and being" in your feet. Grounding, sensing space and so on. Walking on the grass and through the two little streams were my favorite parts, yet even some of the rougher man-made surfaces brought back memories (municipal paddling pools, playing in streams and rivers in hot summers, rainy Welsh pebble beaches and sandy egg sandwiches.) It was a great idea and one I hope to repeat again soon. After a good and very filling meal I was exhausted.

I have had the pleasure of spending some one on one time with E this week, and it was lovely. I gave her a book that weekend. It is a book I return to again and again. Ritual and narrative space often have the same depth and quality. A dreaming, healing space that symbolic, archetypal and "inconscious" speaks and is heard, not only within the psyche, but within the whole body. The idea of wolves came up in conversation. We were discussing Red Riding-Hood. Stories that do not make sense or feel off often show spaces we can grow. We discussed many things. Why doesn't the Wolf just eat Red in the forest? Why does he disguise him self as Granny? The red of the hood? How can the wolf swallow them whole, and yet be able to emerge from the belly of the "beast"? What if the wolf is the red-hood, the wild, the powerful, the freedom? What if the maiden and the Crone are immune or not under the control of a man? What if the wolf swallowing them whole is about a joining, embracing of this power? What if the real villain is the woodsman and his axe? Cutting open the wild, the powerful, the collective, the creative, rendering them a child and elderly woman again? Yet be both agreed, you can never fully kill the wolf. While she wears her red cape, while Granny chooses the forest, wolves will always be close, watching and waiting again. This ritual of blood, of wearing red, or embracing the wolf, reminds me of ancient menses rites of passage. (separation, transition, incorporation*) The untamed in every woman. The wild nature in her blood, and hands, and belly. The times and ways that no matter how "domesticated" the woman she gnashes her teeth, growls, jumps, plays, and howls.

Men, of course, can be "domesticated" too. Yet culturally men are still permitted many freedoms women struggle for. When a man is busy, his business is "more important" that a woman's. From pay, to the value of a painting, to the acceptability to interrupt her work. When a child is sick, she must take the time off work. If she is creating, singing, meditating, there is not the hushed respect there is when a man is doing the same. Even the acts of nurturing, nursing, cleaning, cooking and organizing the home are not seen as "work".
Yet that creative nature can never be fully erased. From tiny fragments a womb-man can grow her own wolf. She can create, heal and play. Her cycles of creating, listening, dreaming and destroying are woven into the fabric of her body, because her Goddess bleeds.
*Van Gennep (from Victor Tuners From Ritual to theatre)

What happens when we die?

So about a week ago I almost died. This doesn't make me feel especially qualified to speak about death. My experience of speaking with "the dead" (all just seem like folk to me) all of my life has left me with certain impressions.
Firstly everyone is different. They deal with their lives and deaths differently too. Folks that had no inclination to believe there was or is anything else after death tend to have a hard time passing over. As do those who are frightened of what awaits. They are not always bad people, just scared. Also when we get down to it, souls and spirits are not the same, they are very different. Most things that are alive have souls. It is an awareness, a light, each unique shimmering force. The more conscious the being (the more sense of self and not self) the more flame like this soul force seems to be. Spirit seems to come from something else. I have encountered spirit creatures that seemed soulless, but rarely.
Spirit is the form they wish to be seen as (trees often take human-like forms when communicating with people in spirit though I feel this has to do with respect and understanding), a residual self image is a powerful thing. Like our own thought form we create throughout our lives. This spirit can leave the body, travel and go and do many things yet is is connected to the physical until we die. The silver chord is well documented in terms of astral (Veil) work. Souls on the other hand have no form or thought. They are (for me) swirling vortexes of energy. When a person dies their spirit carries this soul back to the place where it came from. A seemingly endless lake of pure liquid light. Sort of reminds me of the places dreams form in Roald Dahl's BFG. This soul place heals and nourishes the souls. Spirits when they cross over tend to have what they feel they deserve. Some have trails (metaphorical and otherwise) some speak to people they need to speak to. Sometimes the dead usher their own (family by blood or spirit) to some place together. Certain things mark spirits and souls, the taking of another's life especially so; also the "higher" aspects too, how loving, kind and sweet, how spiritual (not religious). Some spirits choose to stay in spirit. Some choose to be re-born. Some watch over the living. Some watch over a place.
Spirits that spend a long time not going through, or staying on this "side" start to fade. Their souls seem to leak, their memories get blurred and they often can not remember who they are or why they are there, all that energy seems to just dissipate. I have crossed some people through that were shadows of themselves. I don't know what happens when they cross over. I haven't seen it from the other side. For me I saw so many people waiting for me. So many places I could go. I was at peace to sit beside the river in the summer meadow, the sound of lazy bees and children playing, wafting on the air. Yet I called out for my husband, because I knew he would anchor me here, because there are books to write, people to help, and love, dances to dance and cake and cups of tea.   
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