Growing, sowing and writing.

So I have been either freed from bed rest and as such I have thrown myself into doing ALL THE THINGS.
I have been teaching, writing, praying bare foot in the garden, baking, studying, doing magick, feasting, laughing, playing music. Since the blood moon I have just been wired, and now I seem to have had a little crash (couldn't for the life of me drag my ass outta bed this morning.)

I woke up with the urge to do magick yesterday so I went into the garden and prayed. Then I blessed fennel and coriander seeds and scattered them around the perimeter of my house and garden. I feed my house guardians and cleansed my inside space with frankincense on a charcoal. I topped it up and brought it outside while I did a little weeding. I cracked on with making three different kinds of bread (I had a little toasted for breakfast). The I had an hour lesson with S. 
As the day wore on I saw a lot of fae. Mr Brown clearly enjoyed his bread (I always set aside a little loaf when I make bread) as he was moving around the kitchen a lot last night. I could also see a lot of fluttering just on the edge of my vision or in the reflection of the kitchen window. 
I have been pong writing with a friend of mine (you write a little send it to them, they write a little, and so on) and reading about Shinto and miko practices in Japan. Beautiful, graceful and fascinating. I can see way they move energy when they dance and move fans, it is more stylized but I see the continuity of the ritual pagan practice.
In other news my editor and I have parted ways. It seemed mostly peaceful but if I don't threaten TK with removal of bread privileges to help me sort out a new paypal one to my account not his) and pay her then I doubt the peace will last.
TK is in a weird place. Something in his eyes and "self" is just so distant. I have been trying to get him and mini witch to be in the here and now, to do, rather than just think but I don't know if it working. You'd think after all these years living with his shadow in our lives I would know what to do, but I don't. I am trying not to rake up old pain, or be fearful of if, or how far down the abyss he might fall. Except for students and teachers, and folks at the supermarket I haven't seen a soul. I got a get well card from my Mam when I came out of hospital but no visit. Nobody. Maybe it is hard for people to see me as "weak and feeble" though I am a little more at peace with my vulnerability. Maybe they can't get what they want or need from me. Ah! 
Loneliness. Homesickness. Hiraeth. 
Sometimes I want to lie down and be the garden. Rather than be the gardener.

Goddess I surrender my pain to you.

I let it go.

Show me it's wisdom.

Teach me it's lessons.

Goddess I surrender my sorrow to you.

I let it go.

Show me it's wisdom

Teach me it's lessons.

Goddess I surrender my fear to you.

Show me it's wisdom.

I let it go.

As all the pain, sorrow and fear

Leave my mind, body, and spirit

Fill me with your love.