Death is not the Enemy

Death is not the Enemy

When you live, really live death is not the enemy. It cheats us of nothing, because is sweeps away the pettiness and pointless things and brings into clarity the things that matter. Who we love, how we love. What is left when we stop. Death is like winter. The seeds I have sown by accident and by design will grow on without me, but something of myself will nourish what continues to grow.

I have no fear of death or dying. 

I don't want to go just yet, I have things to do. Places to see. To feel the sand and dust beneath my feet. The sun and rain against my skin. Words to write and share.

When we lose others, when they die you can rail at it. Kick at it. Draw the shadows of grief around you. At some point you have to look at your own face in the mirror and know it will be bones and be okay with that.

In a odd sort of way this knowledge doesn't make me sad in the slightest. Part of me, (I am sure it is Fae part) keeps grinning at all the mischief I get to do first.

I do aim to misbehave. Not in a cruel way. I just enjoy being alive. I like singing and dancing. Oh I love to eat too.

I want to bang my drum loudly. Paint the world with colour and kindness. Throw those seeds around like a Goddess.

I have all kinds of chronic conditions that can make making hell difficult. Yet in the gamble of preserving my "life" in the future, or my quality to live now, I choose now. I might get hit by a bus!

The other thing is there are many deaths over one lifetime.

It is good and right to mourn their passing.

I will never be who I was, and I am fine with that. That angry slip of thing that danced and drank and was a whirlwind of power is gone. So too is the cynical and bitter person I was a few years ago. All that fear, that need to control! I honour them. They are me. I let them go. It is a privilege to carry their memories.

You see I am happy. Not for some great miracle. I am happy because I am alive. I am happy because their are blue skies and clouds that look like ancient beast floating in the sky, and snow and thunderstorms. I am happy because there is tea and cosy blankets and music.

I am happy because I am loved. Loved my others and finally, finally loved by myself.

Am I perfect? Nope!

Does that matter?

Nope!

I was never enough! Smart enough (clever people make mistakes too and that is PART of the process). Pretty enough (I was too thin, too pale, too fat, too short, too much hair, for someone at some point.) Spiritual enough (in a weird bloodless, joyless and pseudo-Abrahamic sort of way, that I could never fit into no matter how I cut myself up into bits.)

Do I have a temper? Damn straight I do. A righteous fury that burns in me like a battle Goddess brushed my cheek with her Raven's feather. I am a red-head. I come with a visual warning! This has keep me alive, given me great power and it is my deep feeling caring heart, that cares so much that gives me the capacity to feel so deeply. It allows me to protect the weak and vulnerable, even that is myself.

Of course I am better at letting things go too now. You can't cure stupid or crazy and it is not my place to correct every idiot I meet! 

My job is to put the knowledge and passion and the magick out into the world. To stand in my presence. To be me and inspire.

Bright Blessings xxx