Here be Monsters (Trigger warning)

Here be Monsters

I tend to think survivors find each other.
We can read things in people that other's would miss. It is subtle. It is always a privilege when they peel away the persona and show the scars and wounds.
You'd think that the worst part of being abused is the abuse.
I mean something horrible happened, maybe for a long time.
Yet time and time again I have seen the trauma of abuse is the way the abuser distorted the social perception of the survivor. The idea that they are "unreliable" "dishonest" "attention seeking" a "liar" "stupid" and my personally loathed one "difficult".
This distortion of who they know they are and how they are painted at every opportunity keeps the abuse alive for the survivor.
It can literally "make them crazy".
Behind each of those labels are other darker words whispered or screamed, like lashes against the skin.
"Dirty"
"Disgusting"
"Unworthy"
It can rock the foundation of who we think we are. Make us question and doubt things that we know are true.
The fiction between the monsters and people and the people and monsters, is that we know.
We know who we really are under the neglect and abuse and violence. We know who we could have been. We see it in the faces of our friends and families. We know.
This is the wound.
The gap between who we are, who we could have been, and how we are seen and treated. If we remove one of those points the gap becomes much narrower and heals more easily. If we as a culture can begin to stop pigeon holing what "victims" and "abusers" look like. If we can really begin to listen and accept the truths we don't just begin the healing process, we stop the pain happening for future survivors.
It takes so much time and courage to work through abuse. There is no quick fix. Survivors are not always brave or noble, nor do they always want to be. They are not always angry.
Forgiveness is something that can happen but expecting that forgiveness can fix all the hurts only sweeps the raw difficult truth back into the darkness. It enlarges the wound. It keeps the hurt alive.
I have made peace with much but it always has to be on the survivors terms.
It is odd that when the monsters are sick and dying how human they become. It can make us question ourselves all over again.
Today I will dedicate my altar to those survivors. To those whom feel lost. To the boys and girls who never wanted to be strong or noble or brave but could only survive that way.

Bright Blessings