Being a Spiritual Teacher

Sometimes I irritate myself with the way I seem to step into "teacher". My Mam was a teacher and it always annoyed me when she "went into teacher". I suppose home educating doesn't help, I am ALWAYS teaching. I think maybe this comes from my love of learning. Nobody has complained, I am blessed with so many people who "get" me. Sometimes I look back at myself in the third person and try and analyse myself. Sometimes this is post-people paranoia, was I too this, was too little of that. Sometimes it is just a portal to allow me to look at myself and the world differently. I know a lot. Not as much as some, more than others. I study, I question, I quest. I see patterns and threads that link. Sometimes I can't quite join them, but I feel the pull like static between two or more ideas. I am pretty sure there is a link between the psychology of narrative and the use of the symbolic in ritual setting and context. I just haven't quite found the words yet. Maybe ritual and liminal places of the lucid allow us to re-write our narratives, move our frames of reference, not only in terms of group culture but on a personal psychological level. Maybe. (Reading Victor Turner and Dorothy Rowe/ Clarissa Estes)
You see, I am a girl who thinks really deep thoughts. Questions. Reframes. Analyses not only the words I have read but the ideas. I want other people to think too. Not that people who think are better to teach, they often fight their knowing more than most. You can not give them your ideas (I am not precious about that) but ask them questions.
I am not better than my students.I am no better than anyone (different) I have a natural talent for this way of life. I have a mind that turns trauma into a creative force. I push myself out of my comfort-zone. This doesn't make me a saint. I am an imperfect person walking along the road. This sometimes disappoints people. I have finally figured out that that is their problem. Not mine.That I am an ocean that doesn't like and is not easily confined.
Being a teacher by proxy (in a book) is harder and also less difficult. Less control, but less irritations.I want the lessons to be learned well before the student moves on, and I can not control when they turn the page, or even if they turn it! I want them to be challenged, delighted, to see the world and themselves with news eyes. I won't ever get to know the failures or breakthroughs, see that moment when someone "gets" it. Maybe this teacher mentality is exactly who I am, and what I am supposed to be.