Happiness is a skill.

Happiness is a skill.

 

Happiness is not something that occurs spontaneously very often. We are often taught to value everything more than happiness. We don't teach our children joyfulness, we teach them fear in the disguise of practicality. I remember being at school and doing my exams. We were all brought together in the hall and told that if we fail at these exams our lives would effectively be over. I hear that the pressure is worse these days. I know of children who had their parents plan out there whole lives, to post university, without ever asking if their children wanted or desired this life. I don't know anyone who went through this and found themselves happy.
At every turn we rob ourselves of time, and joy. We mistake pleasure for happiness. We fill this void with all kinds of things, from shopping for things we don't need, relationships with people we think will give us happiness, consume food that kills us, even drink and drugs, to fill this void.
No-one can fill this void. Not a lover, friend, or child;except us. Like most things of the psyche, the soul, we must address the problems as well as work on the solution. Make no mistake taking back your own happiness is a revolutionary act. Companies have billions of dollar and pounds invested in your external quest, one you can never succeed in. From drug companies who pump out antidepressants, to alcohol companies, to shopping channels.


Accept where you really are, then choose change.
I don't mean household chores, paying bills or going to school. I mean if you have a job you can't stand, change it. If you can't change it, work towards changing it, today. If your relationship makes you miserable don't be in it. If you can't change it today ( if so why not) change your perspective.
If someone is hurting you, ask for help and refuse to allow it. I know so many miserable people who endure because they“ love him” or “their my Mum/family”.
You have a choice. Always.
If someone is terrible towards you and you allow it, it will never end, and never get better.
When you refuse to allow this pain and toxicity in your life, you can heal, forgive and work towards a better relationship. It might never work. Sometimes things don't and if you spend your time working on them you will not work on your own.


Learn something new.

While distracting yourself from some of the problems in your life can be harmful learning something stretches the mind. It focuses your energy back on yourself. It adds strings to your bow and polish to your soul. You could take a simple class. Decide that you want to know about a certain field, or language. It doesn't matter if it is martial arts of macramé. The only “rule” I would suggest, is that it should have nothing to do with with any other part of your life. If you spend all week at a nursery with little children do something adult and sexy, like tango dancing. If you spend all week fixing machines, take a gardening class. If you can't get out easily, try something on-line,there are thousands of tutorials out there.

Meditate.

Meditation has many different form, practices and teaches. It is not about a certain faith or religion. It is a way of removing the gaze from the external to the internal. Whether it is just sitting dwelling with your breath or focusing on one thing; there are many scientific studies that confirm that meditation doesn't just help build happiness in that moment, it allows the brain to be happier over all.

Again there are many books and on-line tutorials that can teach the basics, but having a group or class around is a great way to meet people and avoid cheating or lapsing.

Gratitude.

It is easier to focus on the problems than work on fixing things. Yet counting your blessings shifts your perspective quickly and easily. It gives you more patience than you might usually have. It quickly and easily helps you take stock of your life. If you just “can find it”start small. Try and do simple things you know lift you. It could be going to the park. Warm socks. Fussing the dog. The quiet hush of children sleeping. I know a lot of folks who are grateful to coffee!

So count the blessings in your life. Ask yourself: what do I need to change about the situation to be happy, what do I need to change in myself?